Monday, May 9, 2016

Wake up, Suresh!

It is time to admit and confess explicitly of somethings that I've been refusing to confront and take a hard look. For about an year now, I've been lacking discipline. There was a time when my entire year was on a plan, not day by day, but quite a few highlights were planned. Now-a-days I freak out to plan a simple dinner date with friends. In the past, if there was a problem that is nagging me, I would put extra effort to figure the heck out of it. These days, I ignore it and/or even worse, plain deny it. I used to enjoy being in presence of people. Now a days, I can only tolerate people for a little while, except a very few friends. I used to be quite patient; these days I get annoyed quite quickly. Used to be quite unwavering, unfazed and level headed. These days, I get worried and freeze up. I even have had tough time choosing simple things at a grocery store, like picking toothpaste. How hard can it be? Well, it shouldnt be. However this is how my train of thoughts go..Well there are 20 different kinds, which one should I pick? Am I doing the right decision? Is it good for health? Am I over paying? You get the point... Similar thought process goes on when I go to buy clothes/shoes. I know I need to get better shoes. I go to the shop, look at a couple of them, peruse them, and talk myself out of buying anything. Thats another thing. I used to absorb and observe everything, now a days I just get a gist of things, never truly completely understand/see/hear/feel anything. I always seem to be in a hurry to be somewhere else, and that somewhere else probably doesnt exist in this world. Work has consumed me, and I had no other life. Not works fault, I just hid myself behind it, as it just felt more comfortable. It just took a little long to realize, I was using work as an excuse even though it wasn't the case.
Even though at the back of my mind I knew I was procrastinating and that I need to get hold of life, I kept convincing myself it is ok to let go after such a life event last year. To some extent, I was hiding behind the veil of sorrows, and pity. I talked to myself, its ok, no need to plan anything, you just been through a major life change, things will fall into place in due time. This may be ok if I were ok with how this makes me feel. I feel out of control, like a kite left to the whims of the breeze. This is not how I should let my life go. I should grab hold of its horn and make it my own. Do something everyday that makes me happy, even if it is getting an ice cream.
This negligence and lack of discipline have caused me troubles in various parts. First and foremost, my health. It has deteriorated, and gained a bit of weight and what I always knew will happen, gained more cholesterol. 269 to be exact. Yep, that puts me in a very high risk for heart diseases. Even though I knew I had to go get my health checked, I didn't. May be I was avoiding it because I knew I would have to confront the unhealthy part of me.
Enough of this nonsense. It is time for me to start living my life to the fullest. Time for me to get out, enjoy the world. Time to get discipline into life. Time to get healthy and fit. It is time to be happy and content and bubbling with enthusiasm again.
I've decided to write about what I'm doing to turn around on this blog. This is not to show anybody anything, this is just to keep myself honest and accountable.
First thing I want to get hold of is my health. To attack this, I wanna do the following:
- Chart out what I'm doing for fitness, exercise, play
- Track what I'm eating and when
- Track the amount of sleep and the timings
- Track the amount of water in-take, coffee/tea in-take
- Track the number of drinks per week
This is the first step. One of the next posts will be with this information tracked for this week.