Sunday, January 29, 2012

Telugu Cinema Recipe!

After watching a series of blockbuster (just in case you are wondering, every damn movie is a blockbuster these days thanks to fans who do it; quality is in gutters though) movies in Telugu, I decided to take a stab at how these movies might have started and how they are made. Here is the recipe I came up with. As I was writing, I realize there can be different flavors that can be added to each step to make a new movie. You are free to read and comment, but rest assured, all the content and any derived work out of it is a complete copyright material and my written permission should be obtained before using it.

Alright now for the template:
I think the original idea starts something like this:
hero intro - 2 mins
heroine intro - 3 mins
villain intro - 3 mins
love scene - 10 mins
villain n hero clash - 5 mins
villain abducting heroine - 5 mins
hero getting heroine back - 5 mins
Total : 28 mins , round it up 30 mins.
So in essence if we want to finish a movie, we can do it in about 30 mins. But audience is going to pay anywhere between $12-$20 and some dumb ones will pay around $30 for premier show, so we have to make it entertaining.

Now how it develops and watch the playtime
Hero Intro
- a fight scene starts for no apparent reason - 3 mins
- chasing someone, showing hero from behind - 2 mins
- people flying around and then showing hero hand first and then slowly face - 2 mins
- fight completion - 2 mins
- song for no apparent reason - 5 mins
                                                                                  (play time: 14 min)
heroine intro
- raining in the middle of summer - 1 min
- heroine waiting at bus stop with umbrella on even though there is a shelter - 1 min
- showing only parts visible under umbrella and not her face - 1 min
- someone with no umbrella - 1min
- heroine giving umbrella to them and running into rain like a retarded person - 2 mins
- showing her wet body and then her face (and time freezes for no reason) - 2 mins
- depending on the length of the movie, she might dance in the middle of the road causing traffic backups- 5 mins
                                                                                  (play time: 27 min)
villain intro - a high profile one (depending on the way you want to project, we can have a rustic scene with villain slaying innocent people with sickles)
- giving impression there is only one sumo - 1 min
- suddenly fanning out to 10 sumos with no traffic sense and driving parallel to each other - 1 min
- killing someone for no real good reason and wasting a villain's real time - 3 mins
- washing blood off the hands while learning about hero beating the villains folks in scene 1 - 2 mins
- villain vouching (read shouting) for revenge with absolutely nonsense dialogues - 2 mins
- oh, no song for villain yet, ...
                                                                                  (play time: 36 min)

love scene (this is difficult, almost all the possible ones are already made into movies, so we create a totally crappy one)
- our beautiful heroine lost the charge in her cell phone while dancing in rain - 2 mins
- hero to rescue (why is he there? no reason), initial talk - 2 min
- searching here and there to find a way to charge the phone - 2 mins
- stopping a scooter and magically pulling some wires to charge her phone - 5 mins
- heroine impressed and a song in dreams - 5 mins
- handshakes, exchanging phone numbers blah blah - 2 mins
                                                                                  (play time: 54 min)

switching back to villain;
- villains thugs finding hero going back from good moods from heroine - 2 mins
- beating the crap out of him without forewarning - 5 mins
- thugs giving warning - 1 min
                                                                                  (play time: 1hr 02 min)

love scene continues...
- heroine running to hero's bed in hospital (how did she find out where he was? hihi, mystery) - 2 mins
- hero impressed at her concern and saying i love you (why?) - 3 mins
- a song just for fun - 5 mins
                                                                                  (play time: 1hr 12 min)

hero exploration:
- hero searching for info with heroine, hero finding some goonda in villains gang and beating the crap out of him - 5 mins
- hero blowing sumos with his bike  is a possibility
- hero giving warning to villain via the thug who got beat - 2 mins
- heroine impressed and song again (you ask why? my answer what are you going to do? walk out.. you paid $12, so you better just sit down and watch) - 5 min
                                                                                  (play time: 1hr 24 min)

villain reaction:
- reacts with unbelievable crappy statements and beating the poor guy who got beat by hero - 2 mins
- finding out heroine's role with hero and planning to abduct her - 2 mins
                                                                                  (play time: 1hr 28 min)

heroine's abduction:
- even though our retarded heroine never went to temple until today, she decides to go there
- villains gang abducting her in front of hazaar people - 5 mins (10 sumos for 1 person, and lots of sickels and knifes)
- on the way to villains adda, heroine shouts for heros name, and hero even though is miles away feels it, but doesnt react yet - 5 mins
                                                                                  (play time: 1hr 38 min)

villains invitation to hero
- your sweetheart is with me, come n get her, heroine shouting heros name - 2 mins
- villain enjoying the moment, item song start: 5 mins
                                                                                  (play time: 1hr 45 min)

hero getting heroine back
- item song end, a loud bang, hero enter, 10 sumos flying all directions - 2 mins
- dishum dishum, one punch 10 ppl flying, - 5 mins
- special treatment for villain, even though hero has a gun to finish off villain, he chooses to do with his bare hands (narasimha avataar taught us this) - 5 mins
- heroine saved,
- hero n heroine marriage and 3 kids in 3 years (desperate people!!)  - 2 mins
- all smiles - the end
                                                                                  (play time: 1hr 59 min)

and the best part...
bloopers: the whole movie again - 2 hrs
THE END


Now I realize there are a few variations we can do on this script.
1. Change heros character by showing he is saving some innocent person from thugs
2. High class heroine driving rashly in the rain and splashing water on hero and stopping to say sorry (high class yet soft corner.. then why is she driving rashly? just for kicks!!)
3. in the second love scene, we can extend by an hour by introducing a bit of family comedy, how to introducce heroine to the heros family and vice-e-versa.
4. Oh yeah! almost forgot if there is no strength in the movie, bring in bramhanandam, your final saving grace.
Yep! end of story! Good luck to audience!

Btw, it took me just about 30 mins to finish the movie outline. Given another hour or two with my friends like Sreedhar, Kasi, and Hari, we will be done with script in its full glory!

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