Telugu Cinema Recipe!

After watching a series of blockbuster (just in case you are wondering, every damn movie is a blockbuster these days thanks to fans who do it; quality is in gutters though) movies in Telugu, I decided to take a stab at how these movies might have started and how they are made. Here is the recipe I came up with. As I was writing, I realize there can be different flavors that can be added to each step to make a new movie. You are free to read and comment, but rest assured, all the content and any derived work out of it is a complete copyright material and my written permission should be obtained before using it.

Alright now for the template:
I think the original idea starts something like this:
hero intro - 2 mins
heroine intro - 3 mins
villain intro - 3 mins
love scene - 10 mins
villain n hero clash - 5 mins
villain abducting heroine - 5 mins
hero getting heroine back - 5 mins
Total : 28 mins , round it up 30 mins.
So in essence if we want to finish a movie, we can do it in about 30 mins. But audience is going to pay anywhere between $12-$20 and some dumb ones will pay around $30 for premier show, so we have to make it entertaining.

Now how it develops and watch the playtime
Hero Intro
- a fight scene starts for no apparent reason - 3 mins
- chasing someone, showing hero from behind - 2 mins
- people flying around and then showing hero hand first and then slowly face - 2 mins
- fight completion - 2 mins
- song for no apparent reason - 5 mins
                                                                                  (play time: 14 min)
heroine intro
- raining in the middle of summer - 1 min
- heroine waiting at bus stop with umbrella on even though there is a shelter - 1 min
- showing only parts visible under umbrella and not her face - 1 min
- someone with no umbrella - 1min
- heroine giving umbrella to them and running into rain like a retarded person - 2 mins
- showing her wet body and then her face (and time freezes for no reason) - 2 mins
- depending on the length of the movie, she might dance in the middle of the road causing traffic backups- 5 mins
                                                                                  (play time: 27 min)
villain intro - a high profile one (depending on the way you want to project, we can have a rustic scene with villain slaying innocent people with sickles)
- giving impression there is only one sumo - 1 min
- suddenly fanning out to 10 sumos with no traffic sense and driving parallel to each other - 1 min
- killing someone for no real good reason and wasting a villain's real time - 3 mins
- washing blood off the hands while learning about hero beating the villains folks in scene 1 - 2 mins
- villain vouching (read shouting) for revenge with absolutely nonsense dialogues - 2 mins
- oh, no song for villain yet, ...
                                                                                  (play time: 36 min)

love scene (this is difficult, almost all the possible ones are already made into movies, so we create a totally crappy one)
- our beautiful heroine lost the charge in her cell phone while dancing in rain - 2 mins
- hero to rescue (why is he there? no reason), initial talk - 2 min
- searching here and there to find a way to charge the phone - 2 mins
- stopping a scooter and magically pulling some wires to charge her phone - 5 mins
- heroine impressed and a song in dreams - 5 mins
- handshakes, exchanging phone numbers blah blah - 2 mins
                                                                                  (play time: 54 min)

switching back to villain;
- villains thugs finding hero going back from good moods from heroine - 2 mins
- beating the crap out of him without forewarning - 5 mins
- thugs giving warning - 1 min
                                                                                  (play time: 1hr 02 min)

love scene continues...
- heroine running to hero's bed in hospital (how did she find out where he was? hihi, mystery) - 2 mins
- hero impressed at her concern and saying i love you (why?) - 3 mins
- a song just for fun - 5 mins
                                                                                  (play time: 1hr 12 min)

hero exploration:
- hero searching for info with heroine, hero finding some goonda in villains gang and beating the crap out of him - 5 mins
- hero blowing sumos with his bike  is a possibility
- hero giving warning to villain via the thug who got beat - 2 mins
- heroine impressed and song again (you ask why? my answer what are you going to do? walk out.. you paid $12, so you better just sit down and watch) - 5 min
                                                                                  (play time: 1hr 24 min)

villain reaction:
- reacts with unbelievable crappy statements and beating the poor guy who got beat by hero - 2 mins
- finding out heroine's role with hero and planning to abduct her - 2 mins
                                                                                  (play time: 1hr 28 min)

heroine's abduction:
- even though our retarded heroine never went to temple until today, she decides to go there
- villains gang abducting her in front of hazaar people - 5 mins (10 sumos for 1 person, and lots of sickels and knifes)
- on the way to villains adda, heroine shouts for heros name, and hero even though is miles away feels it, but doesnt react yet - 5 mins
                                                                                  (play time: 1hr 38 min)

villains invitation to hero
- your sweetheart is with me, come n get her, heroine shouting heros name - 2 mins
- villain enjoying the moment, item song start: 5 mins
                                                                                  (play time: 1hr 45 min)

hero getting heroine back
- item song end, a loud bang, hero enter, 10 sumos flying all directions - 2 mins
- dishum dishum, one punch 10 ppl flying, - 5 mins
- special treatment for villain, even though hero has a gun to finish off villain, he chooses to do with his bare hands (narasimha avataar taught us this) - 5 mins
- heroine saved,
- hero n heroine marriage and 3 kids in 3 years (desperate people!!)  - 2 mins
- all smiles - the end
                                                                                  (play time: 1hr 59 min)

and the best part...
bloopers: the whole movie again - 2 hrs
THE END


Now I realize there are a few variations we can do on this script.
1. Change heros character by showing he is saving some innocent person from thugs
2. High class heroine driving rashly in the rain and splashing water on hero and stopping to say sorry (high class yet soft corner.. then why is she driving rashly? just for kicks!!)
3. in the second love scene, we can extend by an hour by introducing a bit of family comedy, how to introducce heroine to the heros family and vice-e-versa.
4. Oh yeah! almost forgot if there is no strength in the movie, bring in bramhanandam, your final saving grace.
Yep! end of story! Good luck to audience!

Btw, it took me just about 30 mins to finish the movie outline. Given another hour or two with my friends like Sreedhar, Kasi, and Hari, we will be done with script in its full glory!

Subtle difference

Yesterday I was listening to news on HLN and the anchor said, "how can two twins be born a year apart? I've the details when we come back." before going to a commercial break. I waited for the break to get over and listened to her give this explanation. "The first of the twins was born at 11:59pm on Dec 31st, 2011, and the second one at 12:01am on Jan 1st, 2012. Welcome to the world twins." Now I kept thinking how is that an year apart? The news should read as "two twins born in two different years..." I guess they just used that "born a year apart" phrase to generate sensation and curiosity among the listeners.
I think a subtle difference in the words used can lead to completely different reaction from the people. Challenges vs problems is a classical example. If you use "we have a plan but there are a few challenges.." vs "we have a plan but there a few problems...", the challenges statement raises a positive thinking in the brain vs the problems one which raises a negative thinking. Choose your words so as to get a positive response from others.

Another Telugu Poem I wrote a while back

Apologies for non-Telugu folks. This is a poem that I wrote probably way back in 2007 that came up when I was clearing my office today. Hope you like it.

ఎందుకో తెలియని ఆందోళన, ఎవరి కోసమో ఈ తపన 

మనసు పొరలందున ఎవరిదో ఆలాపన 

యద లోయలలో ఎవరో తెలియకుండ కదులుతున్న 

అర్థం కాక నేను నిత్యం సతమతవుతున్న...

 నిత్యం నీవే జ్ఞాపకాలు, వద్దని చెపితే వినేనా సంకెళ్ళు వేయలేని నా మది విహారం 

కనుల ముందు నుండి చేరిగిపోవుగా స్మృతులు

 దరికి రానివ్వవు కదా నా చెంచాలమయిన మదికి విరామం

ఇది నన్ను వెళ్ళిన నీదా తప్పు? లేక నీ ప్రేమనే సర్వస్వం అనుకున్న నాదా?

అర్థం కాక నేను నిత్యం సతమతవుతున్న...

A Poem in Telugu!

Sorry for folks who cant understand Telugu. I will try to get the translated version in later sometime.

అర్థం లేని పదార్తాలకై వేగులడుతున్న ఓ మిత్రమా!

ఎందుకు నీ శక్తిని వ్యర్థం చేసుకున్ట్టున్నావు?

నీ చుట్టూ ఉన్న లోకం చూడు, ఎంత మంది ఆ శక్తికై తపన పడుతున్నారు?

మనస్సుని పెద్ద చేసుకుని వాళ్ళని ఆదుకోవ?

వాళ్ళ  బాధని తొలిగించవ? నీ జీవితానికి ఒక అర్థం తెచ్చుకోవ? 

My letter to Hindu editor

This is my mail to the editor of Hindu newspaper on the article Poor standard of results in JNTU

Dear Sir/Madam,
I read your article about "Poor standard of results in JNTU." What surprises me is this: We seem to blame the college in which the students join, rather than the poor quality of the students. I live in USA now and recently I have been on a trip to India. During that trip, I had a chance to go to National Institute of Technology, Trichy, my alma mater, and chat with some of the profs there. They had a singular complaint : "quality of the students entering had declined." They quoted that the top rank students from various states fail to perform in the first year. Their argument is that " students are spoonfed even in +2 courses, while they have to study on their own in engineering". this doesnt mean the teachers dont teach. In universities, the profs are more to introduce the concept and let the student explore the subject while the profs guide them to do so. Unfortunately even good universities get blamed for the poor performance of students, while it is the system that is feeding the universities to blame.
In AP, the colleges like Narayana and Chaitanya are only interested in making the students get marks and not gain knowledge. Since EAMCET is multiple choice questions we are taught mostly to correctly guess the answer, rather than deducing it from fundamentals. Fundamentally, there is a difference in solving a problem by knowing the basics, and to pick an option out of four. The teaching methodologies are different for these two methods. My mathematics professor was so disappointed with the students from Andhra, that she asked them "why are you scoring so low when you were scoring so good in +2?" and their answer was: "Madam, have the test as multiple choice and we will reign again." Pun intended, of course. They admitted that they were taught to pick the right answer rather than the subject. This is a major problem with our education system.
I heard from a neighbor that the schools stopped teaching a lot of 9th std courses, and are directly introducing 10th std in in 9th itself. This is a clear indication of "marks" oriented teaching vs "knowledge" oriented teaching. How do we expect our next generation of students to compete against the students from rest of the world? How can we say that the poor performance in engineering colleges is due to the lack of good teachers? Though I agree that lack of good teachers in University adds to the problem, this doesnt explain why the toppers of +2 falter in good colleges like NIT.
From your article what is more disturbing is students failing in mathematics and physics which are the two main subjects required to enter into engineering. I strongly believe we need a stronger control over these private institutions to teach the subject rather than making students guess the right answer. The examination mode has also to change to stop students from doing this. Only those students who understand the subject should get good ranks. We have to change our testing procedure to that affect.
Lastly, I know for a fact that the engineering students in India work not even 10% of what the engineering students in US work. We are losing the zeal to work hard, and every step of schooling we seem to be taught to find the easy way out. Thats why when students from India come for their masters they find it so difficult to adjust to the system that makes you work hard for grades. I pity those students who complain it is too hard for them, while this is how it should be, this is how you learn the subject and gain understanding and application of that knowledge learnt.
Thanks for your time!

Indian mentality observations

During my brief visit to India after 2.5 yrs, here are a few  of observations I made here.
1. Indians are very indifferent to others. Today it was raining heavily. India has a lot of two wheelers. Poor folks were getting drenched in rain. If it was me,  I would let them go first if I am in a car and be careful when I am passing them so as not to spill the water on them. But I see four wheelers folks just running over and honking at the two wheelers folks to move away. I thought that was really callous of those folks.
2. Each Indian thinks he is always correct. Everyone will comment on the way someone is coming in the wrong direction in traffic but when the time comes they would not hesitate to do the same thing. Its also the same when it comes to corruption. They would make a long speech on how bad the state of the country is, and how bad corruption is. Yet, when faced with a situation where they have to pay a fine, they would try to bribe the officer and avoid the fine. In some sense, it works out win-win. less for the finee and more for the officer.
3. Indians speak out of their line. My brother was getting married and we were preparing boards. The printer completely printed the names wrong. When I went to ask about the same, the guy who actually printed the board was not there. Some other employee said "Sir, its not a big mistake. Anyway who cares about the board at the wedding."  At this I got a little angry and asked him if he would be ok if his name is printed wrongly in the wedding card. And he thought I was attacking him. I told him, you are just speaking out of line. First, you should not ever say that names dont matter. Second, you were not the one who printed the names, you could just keep your mouth shut. I see this trend everywhere, Indians answering questions that they dont have any authority. You can tune to any channel after a crisis in India and hear the politicians speak way out of their line. Health minister accusing terrorists cells just after an attack. Isnt it home ministers duty to send out a message if at all? Why is health minister speaking? and that too with no proof?
4. Indians pay no attention to spellings. I wish I could show you a visual proof. But you would laugh your ass off looking at them.

Update from India

Its 6:22am on June 18th, 2011 in India. I woke up about 30 mins ago. What I find most interesting is, even in these times of pollution, deforestation etc, I find the same sparrows which used to wake me up when I was a kid. I hear sparrows, I hear cuckoos, and I hear atleast two more birds sing, which I cannot name. I am with my brother in his studio apartment, in a colony that resembles the colony we used to live when we were kids. Its very peaceful here.
I came to India for my brother's wedding. It got over on 12th of June and his reception was over by 13th June. The wedding and the reception were hectic. Too many works to do and too little resources to do the works. Both me and my younger brother were exhausted by the time the wedding and the reception got over.
Hyderabad, from where I am, has changed quite a bit. Traffic is bad as usual, but there seems to some improvements. Earlier people used to junk honk their heart away and none used to complain about it. These days honking is considered a bad thing, and there is increasing unrest from the people who are honked at, if the honking is unnecessary. Honking has gone down a decibel.
Every mall, theatre etc have security check points, where they pat you down. This is definitely a no place for folks who are afraid of getting patted down. In US you would certainly think the guy patting you down is gay.
People's perspective also changed. Earlier people used to earn money and save in banks. They hardly used to spend money. Even if want to spend, there were only a few avenues to do so. Now, people dont seem to think much before spending. there are a lot of places, things you can do and people certainly seem to avail of these avenues.
Few other things I observed. Mobile texting is extremely cheap here. And hence people seem to text at every opportunity they get. My cousin was texting away while talking to us, in theatre, while wedding was going on, almost every moment. And she is just 17 and has just finished her 12th. I dont know where she is getting the money for this, since she doesnt work at all. People talk on their phones in movie theatres. And they dont even realize they are disturbing others.
The infrastructure has grown a lot, and I think it is time for the people to improve their attitude.
Btw, I found very interesting posters, graffiti and boards here. I will post them soon.